Why Just Being Positive Is Bad

I guess through your life, many people have told you to be positive. Today I will tell you why you should not be too positive.

I have a friend who is always very positive. Everything is great, no matter what life throws at him. But lately we have been talking less and less because his positivity creates too much negative energy around me. Anytime I tell him a story, it is always good and I have never really heard an opinion. Whenever we have a fight, he would never admit it. He just lives in his positive, happy, perfect bubble, and tries to avoid bad things in life at any price. After a while, you feel like you are talking to a robot. Believe me Siri is more interesting. He told me that he was hurt a lot during his younger year. He used to be a fighter like me, but all he got was pain. Now he believes in unconditional love. He is happy with whatever he gets. The more I talk to him the more I think he is not happy at all. He is just running away from reality and avoid facing his pains.  He does not stand up for what he think is good for him anymore. Everybody loves themselves. If you do not stand up for yourself, nobody will do it for you (click to tweet). And you might end up with a miserable life.

Pain does not disappear, it only move from one place to another. (click to tweet)

Like everything in life, pain does not disappear by itself. If you try to avoid it now, you will have to face it again some point in your life. It will hurt a lot more, if you accumulate all your pains. Accepting the pain and learning from your experience is part of life. If you trying to avoid it, you will have to remember to avoid those pains. You will carry them with you everywhere you go. It is better to face and forget it.

If the world only has positive energy, there is no positive energy. (click to tweet)

Pains and negative energy are necessaries of life. Very different from Western philosophy, Asian is all about balance. Opposite forces are interconnect and interdependent in natural world. Everything in our lives is based on that principle, from food to war strategies. There is pain in happiness, and there is happiness in pain. Let’s use my life story as an example.  If my family did not lose everything, I would still be a spoiled brat who treats everyone like trash. But because unfortunate things happened to my family, I learned the meaning of life and became a better person.  Facing your pain is not adding negative energy to your life, it is part of positive energy. If you do not feel the pain, you do not know what happiness is. It helps you understand life better and treasure happiness more. Life is about dealing with different forces and find a balance that works for you. These forces exist for a reason, and there is no way to avoid them. The thin line between happiness and sadness is how you balance them.

“There is no saint without a past, no sinner without a future.” - Aurelius Augustinus (click to tweet)

Lastly, being positive all the time does not make an individual perfect. Remember most inventions came from the worst accidents.  Yogi Berra once said “If the world was perfect, it wouldn’t be.” Being too positive makes other people think you are putting on a mask. It is ok to express your feeling. It is ok to be selfish sometime. It is ok to feel the pain in order to open for happiness. It is okay to be less than perfect, because you never know it might be your best state.

My dear friend, it does not matter if I am right or wrong. Nothing is perfect. The key to happiness is not surrounding yourself with only positive or negative energy but finding a balance. Don’t forget without pain, you cannot feel happiness, and without happiness you won’t know what pain is.

It is your turn:  Do you think too much positivity is bad? Why/why not?

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Cam Mi Pham

CamMi Pham (@cammipham) is a digital marketer by day, blogger by night She is a vintage-a-holic, tea drinker and shoe lover.
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  • saintinc

    @cammipham I did! About 15 minutes ago. It’s in my buffer already :)

    • cammipham

      @saintinc aww thanks

      • saintinc

        @cammipham Not a problem at all! How is your day coming along?

        • cammipham

          @saintinc so far so good

        • saintinc

          @cammipham surviving the Monday blues! That’s awesome :)

  • kristaneca

    @cammipham Hey, cam how are yah???.,:-)
    By the way, Happy Halloween to you.,xoxo

  • debbyruth

    @CamMiPham, I think you bring up very interesting points in this post. Forcing a positive attitude all the time feels quite inauthentic. I think there is a big difference between not dwelling on the negative and avoiding the negative. In a way, I do think avoiding or not acknowledging makes the negative more powerful.

    Thanks for bringing this up. It is not easy to be the pragmatist with obsessive optimists. Your point of balance is essential. Best to deal with what comes your way and move on, accepting the good with the bad, and not getting too attached to either one.

    • cammipham

      @debbyruth I agree we should look at the positive as much as possible with a condition that we face the negative. It is the 2 faces of a coin, you cannot have one.

  • cammipham

    @JontheDvl what do you think about it

    • JontheDvl

      @cammipham I totally agree to this n know for a fact that when bad things happen you have to stand up & deal with it.

      • cammipham

        @JontheDvl and that is the way you learn and become a better person….a dash of bad luck is a good thing

      • cammipham

        @JontheDvl just like salt a little make the food more tasteful…too much you cant eat it

        • JontheDvl

          @cammipham true:)

  • mamiof3kids

    Why Just Being Positive Is Bad http://t.co/y7lx2kGn rt @cammipham| #Realism #loveit

  • cammipham

    @truereach Thanks Gerhard for sharing what do you think about it

    • truereach

      @cammipham Great post, Cammi! I also like your “Experience”-Manifesto post before. You are definitely on the right track with your blog!

      • cammipham

        @truereach thanks I am writing a community post today will post in a few hours

        • truereach

          @cammipham Looking forward to it! – Btw this is a nice video about the positivity topic: http://t.co/i0YyJGNT

        • cammipham

          @truereach here is the link just a sum up of what I share on twitter http://t.co/KIzqsiA4 but u might like it

  • cammipham

    @junisoehardjo Thanks Juni

  • hackPNZ

    @cammipham great post! Absolutely agreed with you.

    • cammipham

      @hackPNZ thanks I am glad that you enjoyed it

  • csandsphillips

    @cammipham as a “realist”, I’m intrigued…

  • adrianslew

    Gotta have a yin for every yang & a yang for every yin > RT @cammipham Why Just Being Positive Is Bad http://t.co/SF1QJheN

  • cammipham

    @artculturelover good pick i like it

  • nowever

    Excellent! Fabulous! Oh, wait.. .@cammipham Why Just Being Positive Is Bad

  • cammipham

    @JasonEng_ its annoying lol

    • JasonEng_

      @cammipham you should b honest and if you’re not having a good day, say so! At least that’s how I feel, otherwise why ask he question.

      • cammipham

        @JasonEng_ agree i like to get it over

  • TweetsnNews

    @cammipham You have a gift in writing, as your blogs reveal.

    • cammipham

      @TweetsnNews Thanks barry I try my best…i am not good at writing

  • dmunstar

    RT @cammipham Why Just Being Positive Is Bad http://t.co/CUbqGVeI

  • CarriePink

    @cammipham Cami I love how the comments look on your page are they integrated through your twitter, feedburner or other program?

    • cammipham

      @CarriePink @livefyre is the comment its awesome

  • Thomas2BHughes

    @cammipham I agree with you and your friend is in denial and running away from reality. Realistic positivety is the way.

  • cammipham

    @CayoKath thanks that was eddited but I will ask my editor to go over again…maybe updated the wrong version

  • nowever

    That’s being negative about being positive: .rt:@cammipham Why Just Being Positive Is Bad http://t.co/Rqc86nsU

    • cammipham

      @nowever lol

  • PhillicleFile

    @cammipham I read your blog and I concur. Your friend sees life through “Rose Colored Glasses.” Without darkness there is no light. :)

    • cammipham

      @PhillicleFile interesting way to look at it

  • blacksebath

    @cammipham Fabulous article!!! I’m not being positive …just truthful U0001f609

    • cammipham

      @blacksebath too positive ppl drive me nut

      • blacksebath

        @cammipham I second that! Too negative has the same affect as well!!

        • cammipham

          @blacksebath agreee

  • RossanaWyatt

    @Cammi, you are such a wise one for such a young age! You are right,  we do have to acknowledge the negative; otherwise, how do we grow and learn?

    • cammipham

       @RossanaWyatt thanks it is part of life

  • asianchica22

    @cammipham nice perspective!

    • cammipham

      @asianchica22 thanks

  • DetlefOst

    @cammipham interesting thx

  • angel0681

    @cammipham haha…yupp so far, anw why yo still up der?

  • kevinolega

    Thanks for writing this Cammi. I could relate well with your friend. I experienced a lot of these things and had swung from being completely positive and being completely negative at times. I’m now learning to be balanced at it. When I’m positive I know that things will turn out well and whatever crap that happens is temporary. The danger happens when we forget to acknowledge reality completely. How’s your friend now?

    • cammipham

       @kevinolega being too positive or negative can be bad….cuz you will be shocked at some point and it wont be easy

  • http://www.explainedwell.com/blog gdxahd

    Thoughts are just thoughts and circumstances are whatever they are and some people can see the positive in even the bad times.  I am like your friend.  It doesn’t mean I have any less bad things happen to me I just don’t dwell on how bad it is, I take the learning and move on.   Perhaps it’s not us positive people that should change!  I do find in the main my positivity and re-framing of situations quite contagious to others, that’s why I’m not bothered by those few who seek to put it down.  I know it p***es of a few people but that’s their problem and to be truthful I quite enjoy that if it makes them check their negative position. And please don’t worry about us we really do have amazing lives full of joy (not all the time) but we do notice those small bit of everyday wonderment and enjoy them. We also avoid those negative hoovers, those people who suck the goodness out of you, and we choose avoid some negative situations where we cannot impact on the outcome.  I don’t think I’m missing out on anything.  So please don’t worry or misunderstand us positive people, pull us into your lives, accept and enjoy our energy and give us a hug if we don’t give you one first!

    • cammipham

       @gdxahd There is a diff between being realistic and negative….i dont know about you but my friends have problem with most ppl around him…because he never solve any conflict or diff….all the problems are still there ….its good being positive but need to be the right way

  • cammipham

    @kenzolewis thanks :) how are you

    • kenzolewis

      @cammipham bad and you ?

  • TheUrbanSuites

    @cammipham You are right! Nice article!

    • cammipham

      @TheUrbanSuites i am glad you like it how is your friday

      • TheUrbanSuites

        @cammipham :) It´s good! Fridays are always good if you have Saturday and Sunday off!! ^.^

  • cammipham

    @DetlefOst :) how are you my dear

  • usguyintokyo

    @cammipham i wish everyone could just lie to me and continuously be positive. Oh what a life that would be http://t.co/IwdhJQms

    • cammipham

      @usguyintokyo sometime you have to face it

      • usguyintokyo

        @cammipham may that time never come ;-)

  • cammipham

    @a3imbayev what do you mean?siri?

    • a3imbayev

      @cammipham “Believe me Siri is more interesting” – I liked this thing in your article. It’s awesome as usual ;)

  • cjgraymusic

    @cammipham reminds me of Alec Baldwin’s character on “Friends” who dated Phoebe. During a fight he says “isn’t this the best fight ever?”

  • yusufchowdhury

    @cammipham great post. I am glad you spoke about this topic. There has to be balance and one should face reality. Great work :-)

  • hypatiadotca

    @cammipham your post reminds me of one of my favorite books: http://t.co/bJraW3WZ – traces history of “positive thinking” in .us culture.

  • jokeypoet

    @cammipham Do something each day that scares you,
    And some things you’ll need to do twice,
    http://t.co/kC0E3RDb

  • cammipham

    @ajproc I am glad you find it interesting

  • Carlenetkrxmtfy

    @sayhellotolove http://t.co/gqYcn1t4

  • gibbons237

    @Ayoss @cammipham les titres chocs pour nous parler de “juste milieu” de “balance” et “d’équilibre” dans la vie. on vous connaît.

    • Ayoss

      @gibbons237 Looool!! Mais est-ce que c’est faux??! Après à force de l’entendre on connaît la leçon mais QUI l’applique c’est 1autre affaire!

      • gibbons237

        @Ayoss hum non jpense pas qu’il ait une recette pour vivre sa vie. Équilibrée ou pas que chacun trouve ce qui lui convient.

        • Le_Marsu

          @gibbons237 Houba Houba Hop ! ;)

        • Ayoss

          @gibbons237 Pas une recette unique c’est sûr, but I think (inner) balance is necessary & specific to every one of us as you said.

    • Ayoss

      @gibbons237 @YassineDiallo I like this post bcuz she doesn’t just say “Find balance” but also talks about every aspect of our inner “energy”

      • gibbons237

        @Ayoss @yassinediallo ouai ok. et une référence à la culture asiatique ça passe toujours bien :)

        • Ayoss

          @gibbons237 t’as senti! ;)

  • itssuperkeileee

    RT: @cammipham Why Just Being Positive Is Bad — def. a must read. (:

  • itssuperkeileee

    RT: @cammipham Why Just Being Positive Is Bad http://t.co/wCP36FqK — really amazing. (:

    • cammipham

      @itssuperkeileee i am glad you like it dear

  • cammipham

    @marty_cos lol thanks fro sharing

    • marty_cos

      @cammipham ;-)

  • irvinlaker

    @cammipham great read as usual.

    • cammipham

      @irvinlaker i am glad you like it

  • irvinlaker

    @cammipham I have a buddy like that as well. Always positive and hardly ever looks at the other side of things.

    • cammipham

      @irvinlaker it is very hard to deal with those ppl because they are not balanced

      • irvinlaker

        @cammipham you are so correct. That is so true.

  • cammipham

    @manikinger thanks for the RT love how are you

    • manikinger

      @cammipham hey there. I am doing good, how about yourself? I sort of witnessed a live episode of struggle with negetivity yesterday

      • cammipham

        @manikinger that is not good let me know if you need someone to talk to

  • FUNKYDOGY

    @cammipham POSITIVE IS BEST !!!!

  • lushbaby

    @cammipham I agree. Too much positive thinking and not being proactive enough makes one be in denial.

  • GhostWriter556

    @cammipham To Check If Your Computer Is Infected By DNS Changer Malware-GoTo This Website BEFORE Monday 7/9/12
    http://t.co/IF5IEKXD
    #CNN

  • LA_Kes

    @cammipham When you have time it would be great if you could check out my new fashion blog http://t.co/Miqfzjyk – More content to come!!!

  • LindsayFultz

    Amen —> RT @cammipham Why Just Being Positive Is Bad http://t.co/qHF9GCx9 cc: @susanlynncope

    • cammipham

      @LindsayFultz thanks :) how are you dear

      • LindsayFultz

        @cammipham Love that post:) I’m good CamMi! This wknd is filled w/ lots & lots of marketing research:) How’s @thumbleapp coming along?

        • cammipham

          @LindsayFultz it looks amazing, still a lot of work to do….we will launch at the end of the year

        • cammipham

          @LindsayFultz i hate marketing research but it is important

        • LindsayFultz

          @cammipham I really think @ThumbleApp is the most anticipated fashion app ever. I check the countdown constantly:)

        • LindsayFultz

          @cammipham Yeah right now it’s social proof, growth hacking and increasing organic viral loop…

        • cammipham

          @LindsayFultz before it was fashion but now we expanded to everything. it is like a photo sharing game :D

        • cammipham

          @LindsayFultz will let you know when @ThumbleApp going to launch would love to hear your feedback

        • cammipham

          @LindsayFultz yes it is so important. save a lot of time in the long run….but painful when you have to do it

        • LindsayFultz

          @cammipham sweet! Photo sharing and gamification are huge. It’s a win/win:)

  • staciapriscilla

    @cammipham incredibly honest thought. Too much of a good thing is still too much.

    • cammipham

      @staciapriscilla it drives me crazy

  • Nouglyduckling

    @cammipham totally insightful! Enjoyed reading this!

    • cammipham

      @Nouglyduckling i am glad you like it how are you dear. i need to check out your blog soon

      • Nouglyduckling

        @cammipham all is good! Hope u r well and having a great weekend!

        • cammipham

          @Nouglyduckling it looks really good…reading ur blog now have a great weekend too hugs

        • Nouglyduckling

          @cammipham aww thanks sweetie! Enjoy!

        • cammipham

          @Nouglyduckling :)

  • cammipham

    @susanlynncope glad you like it :) how are you dear

    • susanlynncope

      @cammipham I 100% love the being positive all the time article. Thanks for writing it. Have a great weekend.

      • cammipham

        @susanlynncope :) thank you you too dear

  • lovepeaceandeternity

    @cammipham Its a good lesson to me i will never forget it ! Thanks for sharing it with us :)

  • danderoz

    I agree with most of your article, but I think that in a way it still shows that you are a fair, balanced, but positive person.
     
    Positivity doesn’t mean to believe in everything and to avoid contrasts. For me it means : be a constructive being that creates things visualizing them in their successful path. If you get this meaning of what is positive and what is not, you will always concentrate on the half filled glass, building everyday new ideas, new contacts focusing on what is productive and what is not.
     
    Negative people most of the time don’t have productive habits or traits: 
    - regret the past
    - low motivation on creating new ideas
    - low motivation on building powerful networks
    - closed mind
    - destructive criticism and feedback (can’t build nothing with this attitude)
     
    If you get what I mean, you see that who is positive (most of the time, not all the time, unless you are Buddha ;) , has more chances to build powerful businesses , relations, and in general improving personal life.
     
    But the thing that I think it is more important about positive beings, is that they are the best people to help others.
    This is my opinion based on my personal experience and belief.
     
    To answer your last question, I think too much positivity is not bad only if it gave you the most important trait of all : perseverance.
     
    If you have perseverance, it is only matter of time ;)

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